It is strange how
every moment of our lives
casts its light on every other moment, before or after
your mother, trapped by her marriage, her twelve children
you, fearing ties, fearing the loss of yourself, your purpose
my mother and her eternal rejection, "You are bad and I could hit you
and hit you."
I hide in the shadows, thinking this the only way to live.
Having nothing else to keep
I keep myself
forever the same
I hoard myself
nothing ever changes
nothing ever stays the same
you open the curtains
lure me out of the shadows
you stay and then you go
you are not a treasure to keep in the still water
you are not an old tire, grown over with seaweed
you go
and then come again
your lesson is that we can leave our body, go directly to joy
mine is that if you follow the path of pain you can come out on the other side
there are mysteries in this world
how water and fire can touch
I cannot describe us to others
I return and discover our own logic
or I am touched by some pebble
I had not noticed you had thrown
*****************
I cannot follow your path
mine, in all its changefulness
still, as predictable as gravity
the river flows to the sea
you tell me you fear falling in love with me
you fear you would have to be more dependable
I do not understand this fear
I have never been tied down
I would flow to the ocean just the same
flame does not scorch me
if I rise in steam, it will rain again
I am different from you
heavy, leaden with sediment
settling, settling
If I hold you, you will go
If I do not hold you, will you stay?
This question dominates my life
I want to see beyond the banks which contain me
I want to rise higher than my tears
it is some fire that has touched me
gathering its soul from the dry sage
then dispersing
‘til night, and the dark and the wind gather it home
**************
Is it true that we are separate,
that there is not some part of me that lives only in you?
you drop pebbles in the water, and the currents change,
no longer direct, embracing this new form
this poem does not hold together
we do not hold together
I am always giving you up
how do you run after a prairie fire
fed with the wildest sage?
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